This past week has been a real eye-opener for both Ash and I. Last Monday we had our second meeting with our social worker which leaves us with only two meetings left! After, we stopped by On Point Legal to meet with their team about our life book (a magazine about ourselves that is presented to the birth moms). While we waited in the waiting room, I was met with a graphic that was covered with 98 white stick figures and 2 red stick figures. Kudos to the designer because it really drew me in. I, then, began to wonder, "What's all this about," and I read the insert which stated, "Only 2% of all unplanned pregnancies end in adoption." LET ME STATE THAT AGAIN...ONLY 2% OF UNPLANNED PREGNANCIES END IN ADOPTION!!! MEANWHILE, 43% of all unplanned pregnancies end in ABORTION. So lets put this in perspective...In 2011, 45% (2,300,000) of all pregnancies in the U.S. were considered unplanned. So if we take those previous percentages and apply them, we are faced with 989,000 lives lost by abortion (the actual figure for 2011 is higher) and only 46,000 being placed for adoption. This is the reality that I was left with after doing some short research and fact checking the materials in front of me. As I began to process this information, I must admit that my stomach turned with the reality that was before me.
I was left with many questions that day, as well as feelings of confusion and frustration, but I ultimately came to reality when opposing abortion on a political, spiritual, and morally conservative level. There is a vast difference in being "Pro-Birth" and "Pro-Life." It is not enough for us to demand legislation that ensues abortions demise without ever considering lives after they've entered the world. I was ultimately left with this question, "What am I as an individual willing to do about it?" Of course, we are writing this blog because we are in the process of adopting, but in this case it was a bigger picture thought. "What am I willing to contribute to ensure these statistics can be reversed," I asked myself. "What lengths will I tell a birth mom I'm willing to go if they make this courageous choice?" You see it's very easy to consider yourself pro-life when in practice you stop at pro-birth. Disclaimer!!! I am in no way inferring that everyone is called to adopt nor am I manipulating anyone in this process. I just want to expose a false pretense that I, myself, have affirmed up until this point: that my Conservative position matters if it is never acted upon outside of a dialogue. This could not be further from the truth. It is just like me stating my truck will crank but never placing the keys into the ignition to crank it. The idea that my truck operates does not get me to Wal-mart, it is the conviction to turn the key that matters.
At this point, I want to step off my soap box and apologize if I seem morbid or negative, this is no way my intention. I just want to show how frustrated I am at myself for not realizing any of this sooner. So if you are reading this and feel convicted as I have the past week, please ask yourself, "How can I help in this equation?" I assure you there are endless opportunities to be involved! But here is our current reality: averages for successful adoptions can vary greatly from 3 months to 24 months, and many wait years for the opportunity. Meanwhile, these hopeful homes are competing over a very small pool of possible matches. So whats the answer? We have to get away from he stigma that birth moms are terrible, irresponsible, self-centered women who don't love their children. This form of shaming discourages many moms from choosing this option because of the fear of judgment. In reality, these women are courageous, loving and should be championed. This can be done, in many ways but I think first it starts in ourselves. We must all look past our preconceived ideas, thoughts and false convictions. We should all strive to see them as Christ sees them and aid them in any way we can. I speak to judgment first and foremost because through our meetings with our SW and attorney shame is a major player in deterring birth moms. They struggle enough with the unknowns of their baby's future life, after that guilt alongside it seems unbearable.
I know this blog may feel a little intense and truly out of character for me because honestly it is. That being the case, this is just as much a part of our adoption story as any other blog you read from us. I ask one thing, please look past my own limitations of articulation and hear my heart. Hear my brokenness and allow your heart to break also.
Just a few ways to be proactive:
-Pray over this issues our country faces
-Support adoptions prayerfully and financially
-If you know a birth mom, champion them
-Support pro-life orgs
Thank you so much for your continued support!!! We couldn't do this without you, please believe me when I say that.
Ashlee and Grant
I was left with many questions that day, as well as feelings of confusion and frustration, but I ultimately came to reality when opposing abortion on a political, spiritual, and morally conservative level. There is a vast difference in being "Pro-Birth" and "Pro-Life." It is not enough for us to demand legislation that ensues abortions demise without ever considering lives after they've entered the world. I was ultimately left with this question, "What am I as an individual willing to do about it?" Of course, we are writing this blog because we are in the process of adopting, but in this case it was a bigger picture thought. "What am I willing to contribute to ensure these statistics can be reversed," I asked myself. "What lengths will I tell a birth mom I'm willing to go if they make this courageous choice?" You see it's very easy to consider yourself pro-life when in practice you stop at pro-birth. Disclaimer!!! I am in no way inferring that everyone is called to adopt nor am I manipulating anyone in this process. I just want to expose a false pretense that I, myself, have affirmed up until this point: that my Conservative position matters if it is never acted upon outside of a dialogue. This could not be further from the truth. It is just like me stating my truck will crank but never placing the keys into the ignition to crank it. The idea that my truck operates does not get me to Wal-mart, it is the conviction to turn the key that matters.
At this point, I want to step off my soap box and apologize if I seem morbid or negative, this is no way my intention. I just want to show how frustrated I am at myself for not realizing any of this sooner. So if you are reading this and feel convicted as I have the past week, please ask yourself, "How can I help in this equation?" I assure you there are endless opportunities to be involved! But here is our current reality: averages for successful adoptions can vary greatly from 3 months to 24 months, and many wait years for the opportunity. Meanwhile, these hopeful homes are competing over a very small pool of possible matches. So whats the answer? We have to get away from he stigma that birth moms are terrible, irresponsible, self-centered women who don't love their children. This form of shaming discourages many moms from choosing this option because of the fear of judgment. In reality, these women are courageous, loving and should be championed. This can be done, in many ways but I think first it starts in ourselves. We must all look past our preconceived ideas, thoughts and false convictions. We should all strive to see them as Christ sees them and aid them in any way we can. I speak to judgment first and foremost because through our meetings with our SW and attorney shame is a major player in deterring birth moms. They struggle enough with the unknowns of their baby's future life, after that guilt alongside it seems unbearable.
I know this blog may feel a little intense and truly out of character for me because honestly it is. That being the case, this is just as much a part of our adoption story as any other blog you read from us. I ask one thing, please look past my own limitations of articulation and hear my heart. Hear my brokenness and allow your heart to break also.
Just a few ways to be proactive:
-Pray over this issues our country faces
-Support adoptions prayerfully and financially
-If you know a birth mom, champion them
-Support pro-life orgs
Thank you so much for your continued support!!! We couldn't do this without you, please believe me when I say that.
Ashlee and Grant